Rachel Strange

You may read the headline and think, we definitely know who won the Super Bowl. And yes, there’s the obvious winners and losers in terms of who technically won the game. But in this, the lone time of year I will ever write anything remotely sports related, I’d like to point out the less obvious winners and losers of this year’s Super Bowl festivities.

So we can end on a high note, let’s start with the losers. And while we are at it, let’s start with the biggest loser of this year’s Super Bowl: America. Why? Because the game was boring? Because we love to cheer for underdogs who keep losing to Tom Brady? Because Maroon 5 was a weird choice for the halftime show, especially once Adam Levine took his shirt off and showed us his tattoo that maybe kind of looked like it said “Bro”? How about all of the above. I’ll admit all halftime shows have disappointed me since Bruno Mars. But all the above things made for a very blaise Super Bowl.

Other losers include: all the DC comic book movies everyone is forgetting about because of how great the Marvel Super Bowl spots were and Amazon because the couple of adds that made fun of Alexa were better than the one advertising it. Also corn syrup, apparently.

On to the winners. Early 2000s teen stars, but especially Sarah Michelle Gellar. For whatever reason, I totally enjoyed her Olay ad. It made me want to rewatch some Buffy the Vampire Slayer. All though to be fair, I frequently find myself wanting to rewatch Buffy the Vampire Slayer. The Backstreet boys were also delightful in their commercial with Chance the Rapper, aka the most likeable rapper of all time. Also, Jason Bateman was a true comedic hero as an elevator operator taking people to terrible places. It’s exactly the kind of humor he excels in and we were all winners for experiencing it.

There you go, my Super Bowl hot takes. If you strongly disagree with me, we can still be friends. Unless you enjoyed that boring, nearly scoreless game. Then I’ll have to think about it.